Thursday, July 10, 2008

One of the 2%

They say that only two percent of the population are alcoholics. Lucky us. I hate this Fuc**** disease that we suffer from. I hate the fact that I will never be heeled, that some of the people in my life will never heal from the pain and suffering that this F*****disease and STEVE caused. I'm pretty pisssed off, haven't blogged in Months, months and months, I needed meetings, needed the feed back the helping hand. Now for the first time I find myself alone, even at the meetings, the disesae is slowing calling me back, Last night I wanted to stop and test out the theroy that I couldn't have just one. WHAT you idot you know what happens if you have just one. There will be no return.

This has been setting unfinished for a month. I hurt to much to share. I just really started to talk to my sponsor, Building that trust factor up. I better hurry up and trust and tell him what is rally going or I'll be back out there plan and simple. I feel I don't deserve the happiness that I'm feeling the pity parties start and the tears follow. Well I do deserve a break. I deserve a hug for who I am Today, not the kicks for who I was. It was just 21 months, God I remember 21 days like it was yesterday. Many held me tight when I couldn't go a minute without falling or slipping. I have seen friends go back same made it back Others are just gone. I need to get real and get active again. Share my real feeling with my sponsor and aa's that i go out to dinner with after the meeting. I have to let them in. This Blog you people are the only ones that I really let see the real me. That is bad for a person like myself.

I called my sponsor the other night ranting and raving about my x father-in-law. I thought I was crying and whining. Last night he said I had resentments to work on about him. Wow, no shit, but it took me telling him what was really happening in my life and being real with him that he could see that and tell me to pray about it.

Gotta run at work, which sucks, but it a job and I like to eat so I better go.

Peace hugs and kisses