Sunday, January 11, 2009


Today I am still grateful that I know who and what I am. But still I have hard time working a program daily hourly and sometimes just for that second. But I know that if I do what I have been told I will be fine. Work my program, and pray and ask for God's direction not Steve's and i will be fine. I will be GREAT.

I keep coming back to the sober blogs and miss some very good friends that where here when I started 2 years ago. I miss their voices, their lives their guidance. One can only assume that they where not convinced of their dezee. I am convinced I am an alcoholic and don't want or need to go back out to try that test. I do sometimes wonder if i need those 3 meeting a week, talking to my sponsor, meeting with him one on one to read the Big book. Then I travel for a week or two and I can't even live with myself, but expect others too. Get Real.

Next Sunday I have been asked to share my experience Strength and hope at the meeting that was my very first AA meeting. Many have seen me transformed into what I am today. The one who asked me to speak we will call Fred, said I was there at your first meeting seen you struggle Thur treatment, and grow thru the program. Wow how could I say no. I guess i have, and i continue to grow as long as I leave my mind open to teaching.

Peace hugs and Kisses

Thursday, January 1, 2009

New Year with new beginnings

I'm Steve and I'm an alcoholic, usually starts my rantings, but lately I can't even say that I do that as much as I should. I was told it was suggested to get a sponsor, go to at least 3 meeting a week, read the big book, and talk to the sponsor. It been about 2 weeks again since any of that has happened and my mind is squirrely, not in a drinking sense, but just that it easier to forgot would I should do or act, and just revert back to old ways of life.

I watched a movie "Changing Lanes" the other night and Samuel L Jackson was a recovering alcoholic. He did everything he could he could to destroy someone Else's life even tried to kill him. He became obsessed with revenge. It was his only thought, his life was destroyed by this fender bender and he was set out to destroy the other mans life. He finally calls his sponsor when he is sitting at a bar with a drink in front of him. The spons comes down and tries to get him to go with to a meeting. "I'll go tomorrow" was the response followed by "I know we only have the day,,,But I didn't drink today,,,I'm fine" The sponsor replies " so taking of lug nuts and trying to destroy someones life is being responsible. You didn't drink, but you did all the shit that your past behaviors would have you do!! Your drunk and don't even know it"

That's my life I let emotions run it, then call my sponsor reach out to someone in the program, but remain sober. My actions become less about shelf and more about the next right thing more and more each day. But if I allow anger and rage to live in my heart there is no room for others. So I can not allow that pattern of life to return.

*Today this new year I am blessed I have remained sober for a few 24 hours
*My 2 boys are with me this weekend
*My Girlfriend and her son are spending the week here
*My oldest son hugged me last week
*My parents are healthy
*I can walk,,to be able to shovel again, and again
*I have a program that I know how to work
*My sponsor who know I will when I get crabby enough
*My boss who believes in me, even with declining sales
*My higher power who guides me throughout the DAY

God Bless
Hugs and Kisses