Sunday, March 8, 2009

Happy B-day to ME!!!

Wow what a difference two years makes. Friday was my belly button birthday. A little over two years I was crying in my milk that I was going to turn 40 in treatment. Looking back I think that was one of the reasons I walked out of treatment. A few weeks ago I wrote about returning to the scene, I was sober, but miserable. I was at that point in the big book were they talk about jumping off point. I couldn't imagine life with alcohol and couldn't live with-it, then I added my family either. When I sat there staring at my wedding ring, a bottle, and a gun in my heart I only wanted to save the ring. The last two would or could never get back my wife or family, actually it would insure I would never be happy. I set my pride aside and returned to treatment. I needed to learn how to deal with these feelings I had. I entered treatment on March 6, 2007. A birthday present to me. A chance at life. A chance to live again. A chance to restore myself to sanity.

Today life is different. I'm still suffering, but I am sober and learning how to live a sober. My 42 was not what I wanted, but it was what it was. i spent it working at a convention for 3 days in the Wisconsin Dells with my girlfriend and oldest son. Two things I did not think I would have two years ago. Today I am learning what it means to live sober. Make commitments and keep them. Learn to pay bills on time. Learn to love others as well as myself,,,That one is hard some days!

I feel sad every time my girlfriend leaves with my son to go back north, knowing that it is another week until I see them again, maybe two weeks for my son. my oldest son living with me fills that void of loneliness and isolation. He has been a god sent for me. He is dealing with his addition's, and is not done yet. Although not actively using because of probation, he still talks about it. He most face that himself and discover a higher power of his own.

Today I am grateful to be a member of AA and grateful for you being here for me and keeping me sober for another day!

4 comments:

An Irish Friend of Bill said...

Happy Birthday Steve!!!!

Keep on keepin on :)

vicariousrising said...

Happy birthday! I'm glad you're still on the recovery road.

Scott said...

Happy belated Birthday my friend.... still praying for your boy, and what a long way you've come bro!

Sylvia said...

Happy Belated Birthday to you. I too am glad you still in recovery.