When I started in this proggram I was told at my first meeting to do five simple things:
1) Read the Big Book
2) Goto Meetings
3) Get a sponsor
4) Go to Meetings
5) Keep coming Back
I'm back IN the program. I Have a sponsor,,, I finaly have someone to hold me accountable here. I can't hide behind the fact that my "Northern" sponsor is 300 miles away. I feel so much better. I started to go to at least 3 meeting a week again. I started to walk the other way, thinking I could really do this on my own. I can't. Latley the guilt and shame and the lonelness ruled my heart. I was afraid to live again. My Uncle died right after x-mas. I was so ready to just say *uck it. I was already drunk, in my mind...A dry drunk. I didn't care about myself or my program. The only thing that keep me around the tables was the saying Fake it till you make it. I needed to do this. I needed a spark. I got that spark, I got it from all the thoughts and comments you have left in the past. It was DMC who told me to get my ass off the couch and start living again, Mr Anderson who showed concern, it was the conversions with Sober chick, it was Scott my misplaced bro in Ohio. It was all my brothers and sisters in recovery who brought me back. Oh yeah Mickey also. didn't want him to think he won and stopped me from blogging.
Today I am not ashamed of what i did in the past. I'm trying to pick up the pieces in my life and live again. Live a sober and clean life. To go thru the day and not add people to my 8th step list. Live life on lifes terms... To love again, starting with myself.
I love you all,
peace hugs and Kisses
Steve
About Me
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- Sober Steve
- Wisconsin, United States
- I'm a Forty year old male. This is the first time in 23 years that I walk down a sober path. I started this journey to save my marriage. Now I continue down this path for myself. These are my struggles trying to make it thru just another 24 hours. It took losing my wife to find Love, love for myself.
5 comments:
good for you, still 'tween the lines... so sorry about your uncle... at least you know in your heart of hearts that a drink will not make anything better... keep going to meetings and never forget that!
Congrats. You seem to be in a much more positive place. A death in the family is always a painful experience. Thanks for the mention. Hope all is well.
Dude You Rock - no really. There is SO much out there. January is "heck" for all of us. It's major Cabin Fever. Go bowling. Walk in the Mall. Go to a Movie. Go to ALOT of Movies. What else is there to do? Thinking and Praying for you often!
dmc
hey bro, what's shakin? jsut coming by to give a hi five and say hey!
peace
Good good good!
I manipulated my first sponsor. She was safe to me cuz I did not have to do any work. What happened, my disease came in slowly, patiently and seduced me.
Today is totally different. I have to call my sponsor every day, have 4 commitments, attend at least 5 meetings a week, call others, read 2 or more pages from the BB daily, pray certain prayers, and so on. I also attend baby events, these are meetings held by my great grand sponsor monthly for a few hours of all the women in this circle. It is so powerful and my new family. This all is so much work but the gifts are amazing. It is more frightening to be out there than to do the work. I promise!
I wish you humility and willingness. There is no easier, softer way Steve.
love you!
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