Recovery is exhausting. Its hard to believe that it is Sun Afternoon. I came home on a weekend pass. I had to go into the Hospital Fri For some tests, so I came home to recover for the weekend. I was so scared Wed and Thurs when they told me I had to have these tests. But instead of worrying, i found myself doing something different. I prayed, I turned it over to my higher power. Me praying who would of thought that would ever happen. I have grown so much in rehab. I find it completely exhausting. There is so much hope for me I have to focus on that, and that alone. I still find it hard to focus on me and not my failing marriage. I keep saying I must fix myself, before I can any help to others. They are just words at times. My heart breaks daily when I relive the pain I caused my family, the thoughts of how I scared them emotionally. I know I most worry about me, I am getting that. Slowly I am getting better.
I wrote my wife many poems in rehab, I sit back and think of this sweet caring loving man who thoughts make me cry at sight of these words. Where was he for so long. Why couldn't he get here when my wife needed him the most. Why did it take her leaving to come back. Why, its to late to answer that, Just to late. Here is one that I can share with you. By the time most of you read this I will be sober for Ninety Days.
Control
Control friend or foe
Do we ever really know
Sometimes it is good
Sometimes it can be bad
which in turns makes my wife sad
Sometimes control is needed
but warning signs should be heeded
We should be careful in our voice
Since for others we made that choice
So Today when I awake
I will give thanks for havens sake
For i know I'm not at the wheel
I will sit back and not make a deal
And just except that fact
That GOD really does have my back
Love Always
Steve
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7 comments:
trust the process Steve...none of us know what HP has in store for us (not even your wife). Keep doin what you are doin. Stay sober, keep growing, trust God, clean house, wait for the miracle....much love in recovery,
Meg
Just want you to know that I'm thinking about you....keep doing what you're doing....I know it's exhausting......but SO WORTH IT
I go along with both ladies, Steve.
CONGRATS ON YOUR 90 DAYS!
90 DAYS!
90 DAYS!
Did you ever think you could stay sober for even one day, Steve? And now you have 90!!!
Glad you went and got your key tag. I was with you in spirit. Hope you could feel it in the room.
Peace, Brother,
Scout
Congratulations, Steve, on 90 days sober! That is an awesome miracle! Keep praying and writing and believing. There may just may be more miracles in store for you as time passes.
Your poem touched my heart! WOW 90 days sober...you ARE a miracle, always remember that especially when times get rough- you are strong and have all the tools to get better- YOU DESERVE THE BEST , so give it to yourself!!!
Nowhere in the 12 steps does it say that you should quit drinking, or help anyone else to quit drinking, either. Nowhere do the words SOBRIETY, RECOVERY, ABSTINENCE, HEALTH, HAPPINESS, JOY, & LOVE appear in the 12 Steps. The word ‘alcohol’ is only used once, when it was PATCHED into the 1st Step for the word “sin.” But Wilson wrote “ We are powerless over ‘alcohol’……. Oxford Group Slogan; “We are powerless over sin & have been defeated by it.
You have just joined a “satanic cult,” [AA] Steve! Get out now, before AA & all these other demons [BLOGGERS], steal your soul. Trust in Jesus!!
Peace Be With You
Patrick
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