First Off. Thanks to many to calling me out again. I need you. I need AA, and most of all I need my HP. I was out of town of the last week. I needed you, i needed AA and I needed my HP. Guess what you all where here. I could picture your words, hear your advice, and I heard your voices ringing in my ears. I was tested at every corner...

It was the National Convention for the company I work for in Chicago. My home stopping grounds. i was scared and nevourous, nothing but work,,,cocktail parties and dinners, and afterwards drinking. There were about 16 people from the the chain of stores that my boss owns, many of which I never meet yet. There 2 hours and off to the Shed Aquirium. Meet at the door with a hand shake and Champgine. I took the hand. one guy went to get drink and asked what I need Diet coke and what else. My answer without a second though ice. I went on like noithing was wrong with me. thinking that was easy. i later reminded myself of whoo I am. Some of the old habbits came back, the old Steve. i laughed, I smiled, I had fun. the kind of person that you all told me that I could be. For the first time ever I could flirt without needing courage from a drink.

the rest of the week went down hill from there. I remeber calling a my high school sweetheart who lives in chicago also. She wasn't home. Left a message " I had to walk out, I'm at the house of blues, and I almost felt like I was normal. It its been almost ten months, I could have just a few and stop." I called the numbers programmed in my phone, no answer. I looked up and prayed, please help me. I gathered myself up and walked back in. I'm not a normal drinker I can't have one and stop. Another 24 hours in the book.

Back up first night. I was at the aquitrium. Phone ring it was my wife, soon to be ex, but I still repsect her, Her words were short and harsh. "There is no easy way of saying this. A*** (the oldest) was arrested for underage driving, drinking and in possion of drugs while doing 83 without a license." I lost it. I ran for the wash room, cried, once again I blamed myself, he had followed my example. I walked back into the room. Front and center, with no line was the open bar. It was there jusst for me. NO Line the only thing that would of made it a perdect dream was a hot blonde behind the bar. I walked with a purpose to that bar, and it wasn't good. I heard your voices, your doing great, this too shall pass, it will solve nothing. I heard Lush's canadian accent, Sober chicks Calf lingo, the words that I have reaad from all of you. I still walked to that Bar, NOW with a purpose a DIET COKE. I looked up and thanked him. I walked back to the table, wondering what to do now about my son. The phone rang again. It was "L" the kid in jail wasn't my son, he just used my sons name, my son was there but not driving. I looked up again and thanked him. I'm glad that I strong enough not to take that drink, I would of wrecked my life over something that was nothing, and over something that I had no control over...

I will finsh later..I need to spend time with my love...ME..before I go thanks for being here for me today I am greatful that you have been here to guide me to this day. 300 days, in my alcoholic mind that equals 10 months!!!!

I love you allllllllllll

steve