Dec 10, Day 12. First meeting

This morning when I awoke I was looking for a fight. An argument with my wife, kids, anything to give me a reason why not to go. I started to get Christmas things together. Setting up the tree in the front yard, lights out. Anything that might let me forget about the AA meeting. I am a very open person one on one, but in front of others I'm quit and shy. So i decided it was time to go, yes i would be late, maybe another reason why not to go. If I was late why bother going in. I made it there late, but I did go in. Not sure where to go I walked towards the counter. A lady asked if I was here for the meeting, and I said yes. She then told me in a soft sweet voice, the meeting was downstairs. I didn't know what to expect when I opened that door. There were so many people there, young and old, Male and Female. At first I sat there looking around at everyone, the words from the speakers fell on death ears. I was looking around to see if I knew anyone, how embarrassing would that be. After awhile I sat and listened, the introductions, and the stories. I was not alone there. As they gave out information about aa events, they asked if anyone was from out of town,,,,any ones first meeting. Well I almost didn't raise my hand, but this was why I was here, for help. The applause was loud and comforting. A lady come over and welcomed me with a hug and gave me a chip, 24 hours, one day at a time. We then broke into groups. I was in group five. Before going into the group I went to the washroom to compose myself. As I was walking out a man introduced himself to me, "I'm Rick, welcome Steve. Don't worry we all walked down those steps once for the first time. I'm in group five also, everything will be ok."

I sat in the group listening to stories how everyone got there. I was the third at the table, I passed when it came to me to talk, i said that I was not strong enough yet. After the other people went Rick told another story about the family and friends gathered around these tables. They were not here just for themselves but here for other like myself. I sat there holding back my tears, like I'm doing now. He handed me a copy of the big book that the others had signed and wrote thoughts and wishes in for me. He then asked if there was anything I wanted to ask or say. I sat there, the words in my mind couldn't find my mouth. A lady across the table from me, who was there for court ordered inpatient care for attempting suicide to control her drinking said "Steve we have been here for awhile if you can't share with us, its ok. With time you will find strength inside yourself to talk to us or your higher power." This lady, a stranger just told me how she hurt so bad that she didn't want to live. She found a purpose to be here today and said God wasn't done with her yet, that's why she was still here. I thought again and found those words

"My Name is Steve and I'm an Alcoholic..."

The tears followed as I talked, I was comforted knowing that I was not alone. There are others there for me on this new journey in my life. I know that it will not be sugar coated and easy. But never less on this journey I will not be alone, others have made this journey and light the path I now walk down. Rick said others where there first, they are here now, and I will be there for others to follow, because if you don't share the path with others what good is it.
So as I walk down this path for the first time in my life I am guided by many that were here before me, but thanks to the few special people that hold that light high, your strength will guide me. Thanks SC

Thanks for your prayers I need them.