Monday, May 21, 2007

King Baby

Its a new day. A new 24 hours. Look I decided to come out and play todAAy. Yes its because I have kids I have a purpose to be here today. I feel so much like a part of society when I am a father. I still try to be the husband but get pushed away. Thats ok, I have pushed them away for years. Last week in a counseling session with my son he made a comment,,,giant slap in the face. "What family, he has pushed us all away." and later "I liked him better when he was drinking." It hurt, hurt a lot, but as for the last comment, he doesn't like it because now I remember what I told him to do. Now I want to part of their lives. Now i ask them for help. I know it will take time for them to let me back in their lives. It is toooooo late for my wife to let me in, well its never to late, but there is a pile of hurt to overcome there. If I just keep on keeping on and keep being sober Steve things will get better.

One thing I rehab in rehab was about the "King Baby"
In this pamphlet, we learn to identify the infantile King Baby ego within us. Our Childish personality traits must be surrendered before our disease can be fully arrested. the compulsive King Baby personality can accelerate addiction or lead to relapse....

King babies share a wide range of personality traits. None of us has all these traits, but we will probably find many that describe us. King Babies may show these Characteristics.
  • Often become angry or afraid of authority figures and will attempt to work them against each other in order to get their own way
  • seek approval and frequently lose their own identities in the process
  • able to make good first impression but unable to follow through
  • have difficulty accepting personal criticism and become threatened and angry when criticized
  • have addictive personalities and are driven to extremes
  • are often immobilized by anger and frustration and are rarely satisfied
  • are usually lonely even when surrounded by people
  • are chronic complainers who blame others for what is wrong in their lives
  • feel unappreciated and think they don't fit
  • see the world as a jungle filled with selfish people who aren't there for them
  • see everything as a catastrophe, a life or death satiation
  • judge life in absolutes: black and white, right and wrong
  • live in the past, fearful of the future
  • have strong feeling of dependence and exaggerated fears of abandonment
  • fear failure and rejections and don't try new things that they might not do well
  • are obsessed with money and material things
  • dream big plans and schemes and have little ability to make them happen
  • cannot tolerate illness in themselves or others
  • prefer to charm superiors and intimidate subordinates
  • believe rules and laws are for others, not for themselves
  • often become addicted to excitement, life in the fast lane
  • hold emotional pain within and lose touch with their feelings

If this was a test to see if I am an alcoholic I would pass with flying colors. It goes on to say how we change these patterns into something good. Gives us a feeling of self worth. Turn these traits over to our HP and let him. For me knowing what drives my ego help me better keep it in check.

The inner Struggle

Understanding King baby is difficult because things are never as they appear on the surface. There are two prime motivating factors: First, the scared, lonely, child who does not want to be hurt anymore and , second, the king Baby who is never satisfied.

I am reminded of the tale of two wolves right now. Which ever one you feed will grow stronger. So taking this list of defects I''m going to go out todAAy and make a difference in the world. I'm going to arrest the defects and be free of them for TodAAy.




vicariousrising said...

Your kids will probably come around when they get used to consistency and boundaries in your behavior. When kids are angry, they will lash out at the things that they sense are vulnerabilities in you. I think you know this stuff, though. However, it still hurts.

It's good to read your posts.

Noor Azman Othman GBE said...

Thank you for sharing, Steve. Now, go out there and make a difference!

lushgurl said...

Yeah cool. For me I really was quite surprised that I had so few of these traits today! Interesting how working and living the program actually works, huh?
BTW- you have been tagged!

HeiressChild said...

hi steve, i like the term "king baby." one of my friends has a ministry for women who've been sexually abused, and they talk about the "child" or "little girl" in them. i admire your strength and determination in overcoming the obstacles you've had to face.

Shadow said...

whoa, what an eye opener. thanks!

roundtheblock92 said...

Thank you so much for taking the time to print "king baby" on your website. A newcomer asked if I could find it for them(they can't afford a computer). You were the only one to print it without the$. Again, thank you, your sister in recovery, Dianna M., Texas

Anonymous said...

I had learned about King Baby while my daughter was in Rehab for alcohol. I was thiking about it 2day,googled,and found your blog. My daughter has relapsed, I am scared for her and really don't have anyone to talk to. Keep steadfast on the journey for sobriety. pray for my daughter and that she will find the path too.

Anonymous said...

I wish you the best on "Today's" journey. Your noted summary of the King Baby Syndrome was excellent. In 2005, I found the King Baby Lecture posted on the web. It's Bob Brissett's famous lecture first given at Hazelton in 1971. Though he has passed away, Bob continues to live on in hearts and minds of his mentees. The lecture is provided free online by Aiseiri in Ireland. Peace . . .

Anonymous said...

I wish you the best on "Today's" journey. Your noted summary of the King Baby Syndrome was quite good. In 2005, I found the King Baby Lecture posted on the web. It's Bob Brissett's famous lecture first given at Hazelton in 1971. Though he has passed away, Bob continues to live on in hearts and minds of his mentees. The lecture is provided free online by Aiseiri in Ireland. Peace . . .

Anonymous said...

Thank you for posting this. I live with a man that has most of the characteristics of King Baby. I feel it has gotten worse since we moved in together. My question is, what do I do now??? How do I approach him? I am supportive of him and now there is an argument in just about everything I say or do. I am what he calls a "normal" person that is not familiar with the program. When I moved in, He was full of life and seemingly over this part of his life. I see now where it was all a cover up for a deeper issue. He does litle more than work and sit on the couch watching tv, hiding from everything. He won't confront any issue no matter how small. He is not using, just stuck? What do I do? With whom can I talk to without angering him? I really want to help and also want to make our situation work...I am wits end and now it's adversely affecting my life. He's a good person deep down inside, how do I get him to see that? I have tried suggesting programs that will help him through dealing with his issues and he will not consider. Seems any inner work is something he does not want to address. He won't even read nor is open to anything that addresses inner or past issues. It's now to the point of not remembering what he's said when and changes all of his stories to suite the immediate situation. Thanks for any help anyone can lend. Do they cover this in ALANON? Should I consider this or talk to his sponsor? He works with his sponsor so that may really anger him I'm thinking... I am so confused and need guidance through this. Good luck to all of you with your sobriety. Thanks for your help. Confused in Paradise

Sober Steve said...

Confused in Paradise

All I can do is share my experience with you.

Yes Al anon would Very healthy for, you will learn how ato take care of yourself. You will Learn that his choices are just that there is no need for fear shame in his choices. You can not change the Alocoholic ,just pray for him, his higher power needs to change that, and he most first accept his DZ before anyting can happen

Email me if you wish, But yes Go to your own meeting and get your own sponsor and you get healthy.


Anonymous said...

My family and I are having a lot of problems with my brother who demonstrates many of the King Baby traits. Recently, he got a second DWI and was involved in a hit and run accident. Even the horror of that happening has not prompted him to get help or admit that he has serious problems. He lives with my parents who are on the verge of throwing him out of the house because they feel like they are harboring a lost cause. Anyone have any advice on how we should handle him? Thank you.

Mumsie said...

Wishing you peace, self-love, and insight as the new year unfolds.

Anonymous said...

Wow! Thank you! I always wanted to write in my site something like that. Can I take part of your post to my blog?