Missing Sober Steve

Last week I didn't feel like blogging, Feel like talking or sharing, but I went on. I was once again feeling like that dry drunk. I don't like that feeeling. Its not me, and not healthy for me either. So I wanted to start this week off right. Its 6am and I'm up, well to be honest I didn't sleep at all last night 15-20 mins at a crack than up for 2-3 hours doze off and awake again. So much going thru my mind. This week I'm setting some goals for me. I need to reach out to people in the program more. I need to be in AA not around it. I need to get more involved in Al-alon to help me deal with my wife and son. Yes last night I went to an Al-alon meeeting and my youngest went to a Al-teen meeting. They didn't beat me either for being the alcoholic. I know its the same steps for both programs, but last week at an open speaker meeting I won a al-alon daily reflection book, and it has helped to put things inperspective about them, ok about us. I just want to say that my wife is really not an Alcoholic, i think that she does drink to much now. i think that it is a problem that she still choices to drink even with what alcohol has done to this family and continues to do to it daily.

This is going to be a busy week so I can not loose focus on me. I have the kids this week so that should help a lot with my isolation. I never last the house last week. Sleep way to late everyday. wouldn't answer the phone. I can't do that this week. Little goals daily. I'm going to blog and share more this week. Yes Ellie even some funny stories about my week. I can have fun, and that's ok to feel good about myself. I need to allow myself that feeling of joy in my life. I need to get up in the morning go to the mirror and tell myself that I am worth it. I am worth that first breath of air. I am special. I didn't feel that at all last week and it showed. I cared myself that way all week.

So today I'm grateful to be alive
Today I'm grateful for the Hands of AA
Today I'm grateful for my sober blog partners
Today I'm grateful for my HP
Today I'm grateful for the chance to wake my boys up for school
Today I'm grateful to be me
Today I'm grateful for meetings
Today I'm grateful that I have a program of recovery

Wow Posted by 6:30 am what a difference a week makes. One thing I did do a lot of last week was write in my mind. Read a lot of my journal from rehab. I missed that Steve that spoke such truth in words. that's the Steve i want back here. Once again a little to late, but I wrote my wife a beautiful poem for mothers day. I have one going in the confines of my head right now for all mothers here in recovery or just visiting. My alcoholic mind will probably post that next Monday,,,lol

Have a Great Monday
Peace
Hugs and Kisses
Steve