What I have Learned

167 days of sobriety. Boy I have learned much about myself and this DZ. I have grown in so many ways. I have allowed God into my life. I have allowed everybody into my soul. I have allowed myself to forgive. It is a fact that i cannot change the past, and that i cannot shut the door on it. Part of me wants to close that door to forget the hurt and pain that I caused, the pain and suffering that my wife went thru. Today I know that I can only claim my part. I can only clean my side of the street. It still doesn't make it any easier. 164 days ago While searching for answers on AA web site I found a list of sober bloggers. I found my saving Angel. The withdraws were great I couldn't imagine 24 hours when I couldn't live thru 24 seconds. I quit on my own. no AA, no treatment center no support. But on Day Three I found Sober Chick. She saved me. Ran to the computer every morning to see what see said. Starting blog stalking, leaving comments, you people are nuts went thru my mind several thousand times. How do you think this is going to pass, you don't know what I'm going thru...etc around the first week Scout posted a comment on SC blog about me starting my own, and how it would help. i kept writing, e-mailing post to SC and keeping them.

On Dec 31, 2006 Sober Steve appeared here before your eyes. You have seen me grow, seen the hurt and raw emotions I go thru daily. You all said get a sponsor, goto meetings, listen and no matter what when I see that sign that says Think, Think, think. Just remember that sign is not for me. My life is unraveling in front of you right now. Served with Divorce papers, kids running away from home over drugs. Losing my job. Recently getting foreclosure paperwork on the house. But I didn't run away this time. I cried and thought, thought of the positive. Looked hard to find a bright side. I did see some light, I saw a path, a sober path, a unknown path, but I am not scared to walk down this path. Since I know that I have all of you here to guide me. Hold me up. To love me when I can not love myself. To find the good in every bad thing that happens.

I did find hope in AA. I found love around the tables. I found myself in my heart. I found that no matter what happens, nothing is worth picking up that first drink over. Soon God willing I will have 6 months of sobriety. We will stand back and say do you remember when that Scared Steve didn't trust us, didn't think he was worth saving, look at him now. I do feel better about things when I think them thru. I feel human now. i feel like I am special and worth saving. I feel loved, and most of all I am here for the newcomer.

peace
Steve