My thoughts today are with Soberchick friend "D". How hard it most of been to go through 18 months of sobriety to start over at day one. I know that I am the new kid on the block with only 30 plus days in. Today is day 35 for me, right now hearing about how easy it is to slip has me scared that I will not see day 36. Right now I feel like crawling inside that bottle and hiding for hours. Figuring that should take away my pain for at least a little time. SC told me on day 30 not to go have a drink to celebrate. i thought how stupid was that. But after some thought she must of been in my head, or just in the same place before. I did think day 30, that was easy, what would just one drink do to me. I can handle it. I know that I can't. Last night at the tables there was man there that talked about him slipping. He had 14 years in thought he was cured just a drink with dinner, well maybe just one more etc. He slipped. He was been sober again for 2 years straight. He said that he should have 28 years sobriety, just not all at once.
Last night on my home from the AA meeting I counted those really neat neon signs that call us back everyday, some Miller, Bud, Cold Beer. Funny its about 35 miles from my house to where I went last night. 33 bars/taverns between those points, you can tell I live in Wisconsin. A little over one mile part. I texted a great friend and said that I was stronger than those signs. I would be OK. I'm not really sure what OK means right now though. My family and friends ask how are things going with you, your drinking, marriage...What else can one say ..."OK". I guess I lie pretty good. I hurt and I hurt everyday. With everyday that passes it is one less day that I will be able to spend with my wife. Until she said that she wasn't happy and wanted to leave after the holidays I did forget how much I love her, how much she is my other half. At first I did quit drinking for her. Now I know it is for me. If I hated that drunk in the mirror, how could I expect her to love me.
"D" were ever you are, I with many others prayed for you last night. Hoping that you will find your way back to the tables. Just like I know that others will pray for strentgh for me to get through these hard times.
Thanks and God bless
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1 comment:
Still proud of you!! Do me a favor though and don't say you're ok when you're not. I don't want to be a person you are not honest with. It defeats the purpose of our friendship!!
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