Its like a major countdown in my head right now. This is my last day of work for 6 weeks. Tomorrow at noon is the last day I can drink before I go into rehab. Monday night is the last night I will be able to sleep next to my wife. Tues Morning is the last time I can hug my boys and help chase them out the door for school. I feel like this is "My last" everything. I know that I have so much to gain going into rehab. I have waited for this for almost 7 weeks. Now the closer it is, the more scared I get. I feel like I will come out and have lost everything. I know my marriage will be gone. My boys will learn that they really don't need me around. My job will be there, but it won't be the same. I will have to break in a new partner when I return. "B" has really carried me these last couple of weeks.
In rehab I know that I gain something very important. ME. A better understanding of myself and how to use my HP to help me thru the day to day struggles of life. I will learn different ways to deal with stress then self medicating myself with booze. I will learn so much, but I feel the losses will be to big to handle. I know that divorce is not the end of the world. Others have gone thru the same thing. Giving up beer was easy, since I had all of you to help. Giving up her is like giving a part of myself up.
I know that I have a great support system now. I am not alone on this journey. I feel all of your hands holding me up. I know that you are praying for me. Together, I will be OK. After all I am SOBER STEVE. Sober Steve with 59 days of Sobriety.
About Me
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- Sober Steve
- Wisconsin, United States
- I'm a Forty year old male. This is the first time in 23 years that I walk down a sober path. I started this journey to save my marriage. Now I continue down this path for myself. These are my struggles trying to make it thru just another 24 hours. It took losing my wife to find Love, love for myself.
10 comments:
Your boys WILL NOT learn they don't need you around! NEVER NEVER allow yourself to say that again. Shame on you! You are their Father and they need you now and always. You are taking the steps necessary to heal yourself. Whether you know it or not doing this will earn their respect.
Sons need a Father to become good Men. You are the only one that can do this for them - don't let society/court try and fool you into thinking a Mother is all they need - they need YOU. Take the steps - fight the disease and come back and raise your boys.
Thoughts become Things...choose the good ones!
Your little guys will always know they need you, you're their dad and that will never change. In fact, you're doing what you need to do to become a better dad and husband. I am glad you have support around you Steve. Hang in there, take it a day at a time.
I don't know much about the marriage stuff you mentioned,I am having a tough time in mine as well. But, I do know that I will pray for you, for God's Will and Grace in your life.
peace be with you...
Please don't think about anything as it is your last. Try thinking about it as the First. The First time after you recovered, the first time after you seeked helped. The First! Better things will follow my brother
I cant add to the other comments, its all there, but best of luck with the rehab and try to see it as a new beginning :-)
I can so relate to the fear of going into rehab(see my posts for details...) The thing is I didn't let fear stop me this time and although my Devilteen is still not with me again (will she ever be?) I know that HP wants me to love me the way HE does. A foreign concept really, but I am learning to one day at a time...
No matter where you are or your boys are, no one can ever change that you will be father and sons...Sending you love and courage to do what's right for STEVE! ;)
The best thing you will ever do in your life! Blessings and looking forward to your return.
Ah Steve....it will all work out! Watch as the miracles happen around you..it's astounding.
Whenever you "lose" soemthing, it is always replaced. In sobriety, you can make all the replacements good things.
happy 60 days man! good for you, now keep going!
Steve, I just found your blog,it sounds like you have come a long way already. When you get out of rehab things will look differently. I will come back to see how you are doing.
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