You Are Doing Great Steve

Where do I start about this weekend. First Thanks to my Higher Power I'm still 130 sober. I wasn't sure about going to Chicago at all last weekend. I didn't think I was ready. I'm not second guessing things, but I sure was tested. On Thursday Morning I went to AA meeting. I was already looking at meeting In Chic on the web before I left for the meeting. I called my mom in FL to try to find a road in the town I grew up in. No luck. Well At this meeting my HP put someone next to me that did. This was my first time at this meeting. Her first time back in a long time. Well it turned out that this street I was looking for in Chicago is one of her home groups. 6;30 am everyday of the week. They had 7 meeting there a day! Wow. ok I would be ok. Waited for the kids to get home from School then left. Got down there about 10;30pm. My friend an old girl friend from JR. High, ok my first love. Was bolwing, her husband was home with their kids. She got home from bowling just plastered (hope she doesn't read this one). Her kids where home from college playing beer pong. the basement just stunk of beer. I wanted to run and hide so bad. Made it Thur Thurs. Another 24 hours.

So Friday Now. Yep I sleep in, missed that 6:30 meeting. Went shopping with my friend, they where having about 25 people over on Easter. Made it thru the grocery Store. Going to the front she was walking straight into the "FORBEN ZONE" So i waited as she got the booze for the weekend. I do have to say it was nice not to have to stop at a gas station Thurs night to pick up beer before I went to their house. The kids played great all day. Even couch slug teenager was outside. I tried to skateboard on some ramp in the back yard. Not smart to do after surgery. Thanks HP for only bruising my ego. I went to a meeting Friday after. I left about 90 Min's early, had to get out of the house. It was at a church in the next town. It was stations of the cross. so I sat there until it was time for the meeting. Had a great meeting. They asked if I needed a meeting list said no of course I still think I can do this by myself all the time. During my sharing the tears Begin to flow when I talked about first holiday without my wife, being alone, watching kids drink. Just seeing all that BOOZE. They past a meeting list around the table. It got back around to me with about 20 numbers of men in the area to talk to if I needed. Cool. Well Friday night. I went out to a bar with my friend and their neighbors. One of them played in the band. I was feeling pretty good, maybe to good. I never wanted a drink, but i did think about getting an odouls or something. Finally after an hour of throwing a pity party for myself that I couldn't drink. I got dragged out on the dance floor. Yes I thought I couldn't dance sober. Well I did, and I think I did pretty good. I danced a lot after that. It took sometime to get me out of my shell but then I felt great. I was so looking forward to closing a bar, SOBER. But we had a promise M. promised we could leave if I needed to escape. Well she neeeded it, she was tired, that wimp. Had a Blast Sober, no using thoughts either!!!

Saturday. Up bright and early at 8 am lol. Yes no meeting again. Got the kids going and left to go play tourist in downtown Chicago. I grew up in the Northwest Suburbs of Chicago, but never really went downtown. Went to the Sears Tower..Cloudy day but could see 15-20 miles. It was neat to look out over the lake, and towards the burbs. Saw Solider Field, and Comisky park, ok whatever it is called this year. GO SOX. After the tower we went to lunch. Chicago style stuffed Pizza....melt in your mouth. We talked about doing the 2 hour trolley ride around the city but it was already 2 pm. Kids getting tired and crabby, epically the teenager. It was only 30 and windy so we left and went to my Grandmother house. Had a great visit with her. Went to Red Lobster for dinner. Stayed at Grams Sat night. My brother and his two kids came over Sun morning and we did brunch. Great Visit. Drove back up to the north side. Stopped at my other Bro's house. his son was still at his moms, so we didn't stay long. By now it was 5pm went back to my friends house again. dinner was at 3 there. Figured dinner would be done, and maybe some of the house cleared out. NO such luck. We got there and almost everybody was downstairs playing beer pong. I stayed upstairs and watched golf, no not my choice. After about 3 hours I found myself downstairs watching this game of pong, thinking about getting some Odouls and I would play. Thought to myself, Get the hell out of here NOW. So I went upstairs and grabbed a soda from the frig, it was all sticky, so I reached in and grabbed 2 more. Jumped in the truck and drove, fast. The two I grabbed would hold me over till I got in town. I grabbed beer. Ice cold. Driving now mind you, opened one up. Thought of that balancing scale. Beer on one side, my sobriety, family, life and love on the other. That Beer went flying out the window. I Drove and Drove. Found a Starbucks. Went in the girl asked what I wanted. "I just want f**ing coffee, why can't you just that.... I'm sorry I shouldn't take this out on you. you had nothing to do about why I'm upset, sorry" She looked at me "Why don't you go sit down and I will bring something out to you in a minute." She brought me a La tee' out and smiled and said Happy Easter things will get better if you let them. I grabbed my cell phone and started to call friends sponsor, other blogger, my wife, but all these people are where, elsewhere how safe to call them, all they could do is talk. I reached in my pocket and grabbed that list. Called and called...8 people no one home. Maybe there is a meeting tonight. going thru the list I didn't know where some of these towns where. I found a meeting on Rte 25 in the town that I was in. Asked the girl how far it was away. she said a few miles down to the north. Grabbed my "coffee" and ran, meeting started in 12 mins. Made it to a meeting on Easter in a town that i never knew, in a church that I never visited. I made it. I shared, and shared, not just the pain of the weekend but the joys of being sober, Having a snowball fight in my grandma front yard with my brother and kids with snow that was still in the bed of my truck from Wisconsin. My grandmother seeing me sober for the first time in over 20 years. My nieces and nephew seeing me sober for the first time. My kids having a great weekend with me, never raising my voice, or screaming. Just being a DAD. Being who I always wanted to be. Because I do have to watch what I do, because they do want to watch and be just like me.

So Steve you where tempted with alcohol all weekend and didn't drink...Steve you are doing ok. in fact you are Great