Morning ya all. Instead of funk happening, its hill billy twang. I feel really good this morning. Its 7 am and I'm out of bed and moving around. 4 hours of sleep, probably because I didn't get up yesterday till 5 pm. I am allowing to much time for that depression to sneak back up. One reason I think I feel is that I stood up for myself with my wife. We were suppose to come up with boundaries, she came up with some good ones. Me I felt the best boundary I had for her was none. She lived by my will for 17 years. She would only do what I do her to do, and when. By her working her program, and me not being good to Steve, It allowed her to walk all over me. I stopped last night. No more. I am worth it, I'm not a piece of shit like she wants to treat me. For weeks I told I her that I didn't want the kids this weekend. This was my weekend for turkey hunting down south. It was another home show for her. Well I wasn't invited turkey at her uncles since we a separated. So she assumed that I would take the kids. Thurs during an 1 1/2 hour fight I told her I wasn't taking the kids Friday night, and Sun I'm going to a trap shot, open speaker meeting Sat. Last night was the group that I really don't like meeting. Home group night. They meet twice a week in town so i thought about trying them for a home group. Coffee afterwards at Perkins. Well guess what I caved in and took the kids. the oldest is not being left alone for longer than an hour right now. So no home group coffee after the meeting last. Why, so she could stay after her home show and drink, oh they call it networking. This week I started to stand up for myself, last night when she got home and I called her, she tried again, and no I'm done with being used as a floor mat.
I screwed up before. I wasn't the best husband or father that I could be. That was yesterday. All I have is today. Today I choose to be the best father, and separated husband that I can be. Today even though she thinks other wise I'm special and loved. I'm not the piece of shit that she makes me out to be. I know that it is pain and anger talking with her, but I need not take it.
Have a great Saturday. Get out and enjoy the day.
I'm grateful for the Sunshine
I'm grateful for DMC listening to my babbling last night
I'm grateful for my HP never turning away
I'm grateful for my boys being here last night
I'm grateful for 150 days of sobriety, 5 months!!!
I'm grateful for high speed Internet
I'm grateful to be blessed with understanding blogging peeps
I'm grateful,,,God has a sense of humor,,its raining outside
I'm grateful that it is not my job to make it rain or not
I'm grateful that I have found a back bone again
I'm grateful that I did this list again without coffee yet
I'm grateful that it one more closer to see my parents
I'm grateful for the program of A.A.
I'm grateful that you don't need a passport to talk to an AA in Canada
I'm grateful for Koninia treatment center
I'm just grateful today of the air that i breath , the ground I walk on, and sky above my head.
peace
Steve
Should of posted this earlier. Its 2 this afternoon. Everything i learned about being humble, and being patient. Went out the window this morning. My wife took of the gloves and world war started here. I wouldn't back down from wanting here to at least say thanks for watching the kids last night, and changing my plans again so she could get what she wanted. She showed up to pick them up. Told her i now have them today. Lots of words, then she thru her ring at me. The good thing is that I didn't drink. i can not control her. My son told her that it bothers him that she still drinks. Maybe hearing it from him will help.
I am grateful that She has a HP also
I am grateful that she is alive
I am grateful that I still love her, no matter what
I am grateful that there is hope for her
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8 comments:
Good for you for owning your part! Good for you for setting boundries! You don't have to own her anger.
Just don't take that first drink, it's the one that will get you into trouble.
Thanks for stopping by, I appreciate your comments.
Hang in there, things will get better, real, different, then real different.
Love, Sharon
Boundaries and knowing that you have self-worth are great steps forward. Just hang on to as much serenity as you can. And you might not want to expect your wife to thank you for too much. No offense. I think that's one of those things out of your control.
Peace,
Judith
I hope you are consulting with your sponsor and maybe some close friends on these matters. You don't have to make these difficult decisions alone.
Hey Steve, loved to see your gratitude list today!
I have come to believe that I teach others how to treat me- my daughter will throw a hissy fit when she doesn't get her way, because she learned (from me) that I would always cave if she threw a big enough assault!
Boundaries are tough. But you are learning to set them- just stick to it, including the one that says DON'T DRINK!!
Have to mention though- hate me if you must- they are YOU'RE kids too- don't expect a thank you for doing right by them and being the dad- it may never happen!
love and HUGS
At the end of the day...if you can say "I did not drink today"...then you have a good shot tomorrow at all the "life stuff".
Ask God for guidence with your family matters.
All Great advice. I can only worry about my side of the street, and its not my half of it either. MY side. And yes pray about others, and do Gods will, not mine.
Today I am grateful for Today...
Hey!! Thanks for your comment on my blog. I will tell Joe what you said. I'm sorry that we are both in the spots we are in, on opposite ends of it. You did good with the wife, in my opinion. You are doing great with this, you accept your part, but you still hole her to her part. That is great!!
Glad you did not drink--that is the best news of all!!
Also- on another note--used to live in Racine WI--you near there????
When you can count your blessings you know there are things happening to the heart. So happy to see your list of gratefuls. Keep on thinking on the positives, it will help you climb the wall of discouragement.
Blessings,
Ellie
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