Well More info about last weekend. Cracking up isn't as cracked up as it used to be. My AODA counselor said I can not make jokes about everything and make it go away. I thought it worked for me all these years why not now. Oh yeah I thought alcohol worked for me too. To much time to think. A week later my mind is clearer and I have a new look upon myself. It forced me to really look at myself and see some things that I lost. Many have commented on my negative thoughts and the constant blame of myself. I was easy to blame myself for the problems. But for me, it was the first time I took the blame. I didn't blame it on anyone else. I put it square on my shoulders. I have never accepted blame like this in 25 years. It was always easier to blame others around me. So sorry that I went overboard beating myself up. I had a lot of blame to catch up on. This Dz made sure I forced that blame onto others.
My counselor gave me homework. I had to write a letter saying goodbye to my love, BEER.
Three days after I put you in the ground and said goodbye, I still miss you. I can not imagine life without you.
For the last twenty years you have been my world, my reason for waking daily. The reason for rushing thru the day. I allowed you to rule my home, my life, my family. I made sure we went everywhere together. Made sure there was plenty of you to go around. Sometimes when we went out, you brought your friend with and we had fun together.
So now 52 days later, I feel different. I feel alive and generally happy. I no longer miss your smell, your looks, or the feelings I get when we touch each other. I can talk to my wife and kids without your influence. I wake and go thru the day without a thought of you. I have dinner and no longer miss you.
I have learned to stand on my own. Start conversions without holding you in my hand. I learned that I am more important than you.
Now is the time that I must say goodbye. I can no longer say I will miss you. It is time for me to move on. It is time. Time to say Good-bye BEER. You must leave my life for good now.
One last request before you go, please take your friend Satan for neither of you have a hold on me anymore
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6 comments:
Good morning Steve. This is a very powerful letter that you wrote . I have been doing some soul searching myself, and there is some ugly stuff in my past from the influence of the addiction we have. You have made me think of this so thanks , and hang in there one day at a time.
Your sober friend!!!
Nice letter, Steve. Good stuff.
BTW, I had a much easier time thinking of things as "responsibility" instead of "blame." Just a thought for you.
Keep coming back. U are doing an awesome job!!!
Peace,
Scout
Steve, well said, my friend! Man, I love how you described you relationship with beer.. Thank you for the reminder, sir! God Speed on your journey through recovery, just for today!
Ah! Do I detect an upgrade to less negative thinking? From depression to happiness is a long journey. If all you can do is UPGRADE one level - you have achieved success! Then, upgrade again. It's a JOURNEY steve - pick up things you can use along the way!
Thoughts become Things...choose the good ones! dmc
If you have to replace that love with something else. May it be that you learn to Love yourself again.
I am love how you shared you letter and where you are at honestly today. Good work.
I tend to beat myself up too.. not as bad as I used to... remember to be honest with ourselves with out beating our own asses... that is tricky and with time and practive it gets easier. keep it up one day at a time
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